Bachelor parties the night before the wedding are a BAD idea

I’m sure you’ve all heard the horror stories of groomsmen putting the drunken groom on a train and he wakes up hundreds of miles and hours away from his bride.  We’ve all heard the stories of new tattoos, indelible marker and broken noses from bar fights.  Urban legends?  Maybe.  Although it doesn’t happen often – it does happen.

Just this season, I had a bride show up in a beat up car I had never seen her in before.  She was moody and cranky when she got out of the car.  She was quick to tell me she wasn’t mad at me, but that I had no idea what she had been through.  (Honestly, I thought it was the usual last minute bride stuff where you simply run out of time and forget to go to sleep that night.)

She then proceeded to tell me of her 3am phone call from a local law enforcement officer.  He wanted to know if she was getting married that morning.  She said yes.  The officer told her that he had arrested the groom for DUI (driving under the influence of alcohol) and that he had been yelling from the back seat about not going to jail, he was getting married in a few hours.  He just wanted to verify the story.

When she verified the story, the officer (obviously a softie) asked if she would be willing to take responsibility for him and he would not take him to jail.  However, her car (that the groom was driving) had already been towed.  And he would still have a DUI on record and have to see the judge early Monday morning. 

After this close call with the law, the bride was now stuck with a drunk, slobbery man afraid that she was either going to kill him or not marry him.  (I actually think he was unable to decide which would be worse.)  He kept her up for the rest of the night begging her to marry him and asking her if she was going to leave him at the altar.

As it turns out – he sobered up and she showed up.  And a good time was had by all.

Sometimes it’s hard for adults to act like adults

It’s true.  Sometimes we put too much faith in the belief that adults will act like adults.  We don’t take into consideration heartbreaks, family fights, or general personality disorders.

We had a gorgeous bride and a doting groom.  It was a wintertime wedding with sparkly things everywhere.  The bride was wrapped in a beautiful faux fur shrug and looked like a million bucks.  Her groom couldn’t keep his eyes off his beautiful bride.  The photographer was trying to capture all this love and beauty to be cherished forever by setting up a family picture.

It was a medium-sized group and the photographer was doing her level best to get everyone in the frame.  She moved and adjusted and got everyone where they needed to be.  She then invited the groom’s dad to remove his Blu-Blocker sunglasses and his Bluetooth for the picture.  He said no.  Then the bride (very gently) asked him please remove it just for the picture.  That’s when the earth cracked…

The groom’s dad called the bride some very inappropriate and somewhat colorful names because of her request.  The groom quickly told his father not to speak to his wife that way.  And almost immediately, the groomsmen grabbed him by his short hairs and dragged him to the gate.

My staff and the couples’ guests were stunned for what seemed like a few minutes, but I’m sure it was only seconds.  As the venue owner, I was glad that someone else was taking care of removing him – I didn’t want to worry about him for the rest of the evening.   But one of my staff members – having a cooler head than mine – followed them out and removed the groomsmen from his neck.  She explained life to him as best as she could and asked him to rethink his departure.  She also put him on notice that if he acted up again that the police would be his next escort off the property.

(Side note – his Bluetooth had dialed my desk phone in the melee and my voice mail had recorded the entire incident.)

The groom’s dad sat very quietly and obediently at his table for the rest of the evening.  Not sure if he was embarrassed or scared.  Either way – he wasn’t invited into any more photos and I don’t believe he danced with the bride. 

Note to self:  Some things you just can’t take back, no matter if you felt justified at the time.  Wedding days should be off-limits for outbursts.  If you can’t act like an adult, get a babysitter.

Check it off the list

Our bride was meticulous in her planning.  We had several meetings on how things would go.  We discussed color in depth and carried color swatches out into the sun to make sure they were still the same color.  The rehearsal was carried out with military precision and the ‘to do’ lists were distributed to each bridesmaid and groomsman after the rehearsal with stern words on how they were to be carried out.  Don’t get me wrong, the bride was not a bridezilla on any level.  She knew what she wanted and delegated with the efficiency of upper management.  She was very sweet to work with and had a handle on everything.

Fast forward to her wedding day…. Bridesmaids arrive and immediately jump into the functions of getting dressed in the bride’s room.  The groomsmen arrive, diligently sporting the items they were enlisted to provide.  The musicians, minister, photographer, etc. were all filing in at their designated times.  As the coordinator, I was keeping my finger on the multiple pulses going on around the property.  But the one heartbeat missing was the bride’s.  Without sounding any alarms, I would casually ask the bridesmaids if anyone had heard from her.  No.  I asked the groomsmen if everything was going okay.  Yes.  The bride’s parents arrived.  No bride.  I asked if they knew where she was.  No. 

The buzz of the day continued moving on and getting louder with every passing minute.  Once again, I started the rounds of asking if anyone had heard from her.  I called her cell phone.  No answer.  Now I’m starting to wonder if she’s coming at all.  And if not, why?  Did she run?   Did something terrible happen?  Should I sound the alarms? 

The wedding start time was approaching quickly.  The clock ticked louder and louder in my head, yet nobody seemed alarmed at all that the bride was nowhere to be found.

It’s 6pm.  Start time.  Now we’re at critical mass.  I’m standing in the main room wondering what my next move is… Do I go to the groom and tell him his bride isn’t here?  Do I ask the bridesmaids one more time to call her? Do I put her mother into a panic by suggesting that something might be wrong?  Then something moved out of the corner of my eye.  I turned my head towards it.  I bent down to get a better look out of the front window.  There it was.  A big yellow taxi.  And a VERY mad bride.

Before I could formulate a sentence, she barreled through the door, two fists full of wedding gown and said, “Let’s do this before I change my mind.”  I do not exaggerate when I tell you she flew out of the taxi and directly down the aisle. 

I’m stunned beyond words.  What the heck just happened?  Had I crossed into the Twilight Zone? As it turns out, she hadn’t added “get the bride to the venue” on anyone’s list.  Therefore, nobody did. Problem was, the list had things like ‘pick up car, take to hotel’, ‘cell phones are off limits’ and other similar ‘dos & don’ts’.  The car had been picked up and dropped off at the hotel.  And the cell phones had been promptly turned off when they arrived at the venue – rendering the bride’s calls for help completely useless.  No car. No phone. No clue what to do next.  Next idea?  Call a taxi.  Then wait.   Now… who gets to be mad at whom?  I don’t think there’s a flowchart for that one.

Lists… they can be good for keeping order and useful tools.  They can also turn the best of intentions into the worst of outcomes.  Use them wisely.

Meet with your officiant – make sure he/she knows your name

It happens.  Brides and grooms plan the “wedding” – usually a general term used to describe the day, not the actual ceremony.  A lot of times, the ceremony gets overlooked as a minute detail.  This usually means that the officiant/minister/judge is trying to come up with your ceremony without any input from you.  If this is the case, your rights to be disappointed have been waived.

I had an Asian couple with unusual (for Americans) first names and single syllable last names.  Their officiant had never met them and was flying blind with their expectations.  (I will also add that he didn’t appear to be diligent in his own findings to make sure he got it right.)

Halfway through the ceremony, he confused himself as to which name belonged to which person.  He stared blindly at his book for what seemed like a long time – honestly, it was probably only 30 seconds that passed, but as dead air, it felt longer.  When he finally recovered from that, we all breathed a sigh of relief.

At the end of the ceremony, he invited the groom to kiss the bride and introduced them as Mr. and Mrs. McKenzie… Uh, what happened to the single syllable Asian last name?  The bride whispered to him (loud enough for the microphone to capture it), “That’s not our name!”  Once again, we got a blank stare and dead air.  The bride and groom finally gave up, we started the recessional music and they proceeded back down the aisle.

As we got back inside to sign the marriage license, the officiant did what any red-blooded American man would do… he blamed it on his wife. 

DIY often spells D-I-S-A-S-T-E-R

Cake.  How hard can it be?  Flour, eggs, water and frosting – right?  Unless you’re a pastry chef, an engineer or an architect – this is not a place to cut corners or think you can do it yourself.

I have had more than one occasion where the bride and/or her family or well-meaning friend baked the wedding cake.  In theory it sounds like a relatively easy task – everyone has baked a cake, cupcakes or cookies in their lifetime.   But let me tell you, wedding cakes are a whole different animal.

I have cut into cakes of amateurs who thought they were doing the bride a favor and found a myriad of sins – ranging from using frosting to mask holes and gaps, to stuffing plastic bags into the voids then frosting over them.  Not to mention the use of wooden pencils and plastic knives to stack the cake with. 

A well-baked and well-built wedding cake can stand alone.  It has been baked with a consistency that allows a little bit of weight to be placed on it (i.e. cake topper) and has been built to withstand the weight of itself (stacked cake with columns, etc). 

We haven’t even talked about cake flavors and fillings yet… Pastry chefs know (through their training) what you can fill a cake with and what never works.  Betty Crocker’s intent was never to be used for a wedding cake.  And Smucker’s didn’t make strawberry jelly to be used as cake filling.  These two things together are a recipe for a disaster.  A boxed cake mix doesn’t hold together well and strawberry jelly cake filling turns into a drippy, runny mess that causes the cake layers to slip off each other.

There is also engineering and architecture that goes into a wedding cake.  Although it may look like the cake is stacked on itself – it truly is not.  There are very specific plates, spacers and columns used to make sure your cake stays where it should.

Also, many DIY bakers don’t realize that those cute little pearls used to dot the cake are actually edible.  I have picked many plastic pearls off a cake before I served it to guests.

Do yourself a favor – shop around, taste lots of cakes and thank your friend/aunt/mother/neighbor very politely and say “no, thank you” when they offer to bake your wedding cake.  Remember – it’s an important “Kodak moment” accessory and it needs to look great.  And it’s the last thing your guests will eat at your reception – don’t leave a bad taste in their mouths.

My Invitation Ink Doesn't Match My Bridesmaid's Dresses

It really happened.  Early in my career of wedding planning and owning my venue, I had a bride call me in tears begging me to let her come by the office.  (Of course, I thought the worse – break-up, bounced check, lost job, car accident, etc.)  I told her to get right in and we’ll figure out what needed to be done based on the crisis at hand.  When she got here, she shoved a beautifully embossed wedding invitation into my hand and blurted, “LOOK!”

I read it.  Then read it again – expecting to see a misspelling, or an ex’s name or something, but I couldn’t find anything wrong with it.  It was printed straight.  The spacing seemed to be fine.  I must have had a dumb look on my face because she then spouted, “The ink doesn’t match my bridesmaid’s dresses!”

Since I was holding the invitation, but not the bridesmaid’s dress – I couldn’t dispute this point with her.  But clearly she was upset about this.  The ink was black.  It wasn’t orange or turquoise or something blatantly obvious – just plain ol’ black. 

So, in my effort to calm her down I told her how beautiful the invitation was, how well-worded it was, etc., etc. She continued to cry and point at it.  At my wits end I said, “Do you know what this means?!” 

She sniffed and looked up.  (I’m sure she was expecting something brilliant…)

I said, “It means a DISCOUNT!” 

She said, “What do you mean?”

I explained to her that because they had not been printed the way they had been ordered, the vendor owed her a discount or a reprint.  She opted for the discount.  Apparently, the color wasn’t as important as she had originally thought.

Choosing a Wedding Venue: Renter or Owner?

You've probably heard that there is a recession going on. Those of us providing wedding services have also experienced a direct hit with the shifting of the mood -- and with many wedding planning traditions. Couples planning weddings are becoming afraid to plan ahead for fear that the very services and resources they are contracting for (and paying deposits for) will disappear before the big day. Unfortunately, it is a fear that often becomes a reality.

It has become accepted wisdom to plan early and book well ahead of time, especially when it comes to a couple's choice of venue. However, the shaky economy has claimed many victims, including many owners of buildings and facilities that offered settings for weddings. If a wedding venue occupies a rented space, and the landlord does not or cannot pay the mortgage on the property in question, a wedding venue operator who is completely current on the rent (paid to the landlord, who hasn't paid the mortgage) can find the door locked on even the most thriving of businesses. It is a scene that is becoming more and more familiar to frantic brides and grooms, and one that is causing couples to be understandably reluctant to tie up precious wedding money in advance deposits, and so forth.

The "pay but no payback" phenomenon is not just peculiar to wedding venues, either. Bridal shops are closing by the dozens, and dresses are being held hostage while wedding dates come and go, and financial messes are sorted out. It is small comfort to a bride to learn that she may eventually get pennies on the dollar back for a dress that she already considered her own, and that clearly was not. Florists, wedding cake bakers, and caterers have also staggered under the realities of the recession.

 For the last couple of years, Virginia's House has offered sympathy and surroundings for couples battered by a variety of unforeseen problems : a venue burned down, another was foreclosed on, and several simply posted "Closed" signs on their doors and turned off the lights. At the risk of sounding somewhat indelicate, we want to say plainly that although we are not immune from forces of nature, we can assure a couple that because we actually own the structure that is Virginia's House and make the mortgage payments ourselves, you can be assured that the only sign on our door will say, "Welcome."

You are safe planning your wedding with us, and entrusting us with one of the most important events of your life. When we say "our door is always open," we mean exactly that.