I Tried to Book a Vow Renewal

Yep.  Operative word – TRIED.  Not one here at Virginia’s House.  I wanted to be a customer and book a vow renewal on Maui as a surprise to my husband for our 20^th Anniversary.  I booked the trip, made a lot of decisions, spent a lot of money and relied heavily on my travel agent.  (She’s fabulous, by the way.)

My travel agent researched my vow renewal options and spoke to the officiant directly.  She gave him my number, me his number, etc.  He did try to call me twice, but both times my husband was with me (remember, I wanted this to be a surprise), so I didn’t answer.   So, I went to the Maui wedding website and tried to communicate with the officiant using email.  The website was relatively easy to get around, but I was confused about beach permits, etc.  I emailed the officiant asking for clarification on beach permits and the dates he had available.  He responded that everything was spelled out specifically on his website AND he required that I be at a desktop, on his website and on the phone with him simultaneously to identify available dates.  I responded that I just needed clarification because his website was a bit confusing to me – he responded AGAIN that his website was crystal clear and that he wouldn’t provide me with available dates until I was on a computer on his website and on the phone with him.  Did I mention we were heading into a holiday weekend?  And that I was not going to be near the three required pieces of equipment simultaneously for nearly a week?   I think I emailed the same basic short list (permits and dates) up to four times.  And got the same response.  Every. Single. Time.

Needless to say, the idea of a vow renewal no longer has the romance I had envisioned attached to it.  I scrapped the idea out of sheer frustration.  I guess I assumed that people do business the way Jody Serey (Spirit and Light) and I do.  Clearly not.

At Virginia’s House, we will communicate with you on your preferred medium.  I have Skyped with a soldier in Iraq and showed him around the venue.  I have texted college students across the country.  I have spoken on the phone with distraught brides at 10pm.  I have emailed never-ending answers to brides with never-ending questions just to make them comfortable.  Jody at Spirit and Light operates the same way.  We will meet you where you are and how you are to make you comfortable with the process.  And we don’t like stress or allow panic.  This is the best way we know how to combat both.

So, to the vow renewing officiant on Maui – best of luck to you.    Your website isn’t as clear as you’d think.  And I won’t be meeting you on my vacation with my husband.  Instead, I think I’ll have Jody from Spirit and Light write me up something special, then I’ll drag hubs out onto the beach and we’ll say nice things to each other while the sun is setting.  In fact, that sounds absolutely perfect to me.  

Debbie

Our family tree says we’re cousins.  First cousins to be exact.  Our mothers are sisters.  But she and her younger sister were more like older sisters to me.  We spent summers, holidays and birthdays together.  She’s four years older than me – and to a kid, so incredibly wise for her age.  

She had the best hair, long nails and cute jeans.  Boys liked her.  Her sister annoyed her.  You know, a regular pretty girl.  I looked up to her.  In a lot of ways, I wanted to be her – or, at least, like her. 

She married young.  I would say 20 years old – making me 16 years old.  She got married at our house, in front of our fireplace.  She wore her mother’s wedding dress – a dress that I love to this day.  She let me be one of her bridesmaids – my very first long dress.  In lavender, no less. 

Perhaps this is the day I decided that weddings would be my life.  My business, my dream, my service to the world.  Or at least my little corner of it. 

Debbie married, had two kids.  My family moved away.  I went to college.  She divorced.  She remarried.  We grew up.  We grew older.  We grew apart. 

We exchanged Christmas cards and birth announcements.  She came to my wedding.  She was there.  I was here.  But somehow – she still felt like my “big sis”.  I knew she was there if I needed her.  I was here if she needed me.

In August, her daughter called me.  She had news.  Not good news.  Cancer news. 

She’s tough.  She’ll fight.  We’re in this together. 

The years.  The years.  The years.  Where did they go? 

January is another call.  This call is hospice.  She’s still fighting, but the cancer is winning. 

Her beautiful hair is gone.  No more cute jeans.  Her nail polish is chipped.  But the sparkle.  The sparkle isn’t gone.  It comes from inside. Where her true beauty is. 

So I will go see her this Thursday.  I’ll sit with her.  We’ll talk.  Or maybe not.  She sleeps a lot.  I’ll lay with my face close to hers.  I need some of her sparkle to rub off on me.  I won’t forget the sparkle.  That won’t die.  Sparkle doesn’t die.  It sparkles.  Just like Debbie. 

Cancer can’t erase the sparkle.

Cutting Costs? What DIY Works?

This article was written and published on eHow.com.  I contributed my opinions and expertise - read on! 

http://www.ehow.com/feature_12257014_wedding-diy-really-save-money.html

When Venues Close

It’s happened yet again.  A wedding venue has closed right as the spring season is upon us.  I’m not sure why it affects me the way it does – less competition for me, right?  Sure, but there’s more...there are some very sweet brides and doting grooms that just had their worlds rocked.  And that’s not okay. 

Because I’m the curious type, I searched the name of the venue that closed.  It’s beautiful.  Absolutely.  I’ve admired it since it opened about two years ago.  But looking at the reviews online, I’m wondering why people who clearly don’t like people get in the people business?  It seems counter-intuitive to me.  If I even had one bad review online, I wouldn’t be able to sleep until I got it right, then made it right for that reviewer.

The rule of starting your own business is “find something you love to do and you’ll never have to work a day in your life.” The addendum to that is… do something you would do, even if you weren’t getting paid to do it.  That’s a reality.  A cold hard fact.  There were many years in the beginning that we put more money in that we got out.  But it was my dream and I loved it.  And that trumped the make-a-million-dollars-by-the-time-I’m-35-years-old-thing.  Every. Single. Day.  And nearly 15 years later – I’m still doing what I love.

I’ve been in business since 1998.  My paperwork says 1997, that’s when everything was filed, but the first bride I sent down the aisle was November 7, 1998.  We made some mistakes.  We had some kinks.  But we also did everything in our power to make that bride feel as special as we could.  And that’s something we’ve done every day since. 

I had “wedding professionals” early on tell me that I would “fail quickly” because I refused to be like everyone else.  I didn’t want to charge too much, charge extra for every little thing, nickel and dime people to death, then tack on fees, taxes and gratuities.  To those who doubted me… I’m still here.  And I still don’t charge extra fees.  I even eat the tax.  The bookkeeping and awkward conversations are not worth it to me.  I’m flexible, I’m personal and I care.  Really.  Once again… I’m still here.

I’m not saying we’re perfect – we’re definitely not.  But I’ve met some of the most amazing couples and their families that have enriched my life more than I could ever put into words.  Thanks to social media, I’ve been able to watch my couples buy new homes, welcome new babies, graduate from college, welcome more babies and remain a part of their lives.  I’ve gotten a couple of very sad cards and calls from those who have lost their loved ones – and I’m flattered beyond belief that they thought to call/write so I would know of the loss.   After all, I’m just the wedding venue coordinator, right?

My venue just turned 100 years old.  It’s not the most perfect venue; it’s got 100 years of wear, tear and Arizona summers under its belt.  But it’s full of love.  And I mean full.  We named the business after Virginia Hook – the sweet elderly lady that we purchased her home from.  We kept in touch with her until her death just a few years ago.  In our early years, she wanted me to call before every wedding so she could talk to our brides – she told them loved lived here and they could take some with them.  Her family has been here and held events here.  They said, “I knew you would be here” when I showed up at her funeral.

We’ve touched every single corner of this historic house, we’ve lovingly restored every single corner of it, and because it’s 100 years old – that process never ends.  It’s also my home.  We live above “the shop” and we’ve raised our family here.  We’re not going anywhere.  It’s not just a job, it’s our life.  And we have saved this gem of a home from the wrecking ball.  It’s going to take a pretty big army of men to drag me away from here.  I’ve invested blood, sweat, tears and my family.  Who could walk away from that?  Not me.

So… if you know someone who had their venue pull the rug out from under them – send them my way.  I won’t add insult to injury.  And I’ll love them like my own.

When you hire the DJ – keep in mind your grandmother will be in attendance

Know your audience.  Words to live by.  And words to share with your disc jockey. 

We had a wedding and reception of a couple that came from a very strict religious background.  Their families, as it turned out, were also very strict with their religion.  There were several things that have become somewhat ‘normal’ in today’s culture, which will never be normal in certain religious cultures – i.e. living together, premarital sex, etc.  One should be extremely careful when assuming what is acceptable and appropriate in each family.

The DJ seemed to be holding his own.  Music was playing, people were dancing, it appeared that a good time was being had by all.  Then he grabbed the microphone and asked all of the girls who were holding keys to come to the dance floor (he had handed keys to several single girls prior to this request and told them he would call them up later).  He went into a big charade about all of the single girls’ hearts that were breaking and they all needed to return his apartment keys – he was off the market now; a married man. 

(Insert the sound of crickets…)

The ‘joke’ was totally lost on this crowd.  Their religious culture was very specific as to no premarital anything.  Offspring lived with their parents until they were married.  Couples entered into their marriage covenants pure.  (Novel idea – I know…, but truly it still exists.  This I assure you.)

So… back to the DJ… Instead of realizing that he had blown this particular joke and moving on, he made a meager attempt at explaining the joke.  (Insert the sound of more crickets…)  I ran to his aid and suggested that he keep the music on and the microphone off.  It was the awkward moment of all awkward moments and the bride’s face was red the entire evening – she was concerned what her grandmother had thought of her. 

Still on the topic of DJs, but onto different events – be aware that your grandmother (mother, aunt, church lady) will be in attendance.  Just because you downloaded the explicit version of your favorite song on your iPod, does not make it appropriate for public consumption.  I’ve been placed in the difficult position several times of the grandmother (mother, aunt, church lady) leaning over to me and saying, “WHAT did he just say?”  Some lyrics are rated MA (mature audience).  Even some of our most mature guests don’t appreciate the art of some music.  Please play accordingly. 

My response when they ask?  “Oh… I’m not sure.  I don’t listen to this stuff.”  Even if it’s downloaded on my own iPod.

Wedding receptions and going-away parties don’t mix

She loved him.  It was obvious that she did.  And he loved her.  It was awe-inspiring to see.  It made those around them believe in love all over again.  They had worked together at an engineering firm for years.  They knew each other very well and had a great life planned with each other.  However, there was one slight problem… he took another job with an oil company and was being relocated to Oklahoma.  This put the wedding plans into high gear after she agreed to move with him. 

Their wedding planning had a few hiccoughs in it.  Their original venue had double booked their date and sent them packing with only a few months to plan another event.  I got a panicked call from a bride on the edge, but we got them squeezed in and everything was back on track.  Not only were they planning a wedding, they were planning a major move and major change in their lives – all at the same time.  Normally one of these would put the bravest of women hiding under the bed, coming out only to pee and restock the chocolate supply.  She was doing a good job keeping everything together, yet moving forward at the same time.

The wedding was beautiful.  The bride blushing.  The groom doting.  The food was delicious.  The cake was an attraction.  The DJ was keeping the mood festive.   Everyone was having a great time – especially the bride and groom.

Then the first guest left.

It happens.  The babysitter is getting paid by the hour.  Someone has to get up early in the morning, so they cut the evening short.  There’s any number of reasons that people will leave a wedding reception early.  But it happened.  And it was a shock.

It wasn’t a shock to me or the guests leaving, but to the bride, it marked the beginning of the end.  She clung to them like they were life vests on a treacherous sea.  Then the tears.  And more tears.  And yet more tears. 

The party went on, yet the party was over.  At least for the bride.  She stood by the gate as each guest tried to leave and hung on them with the fervor of the first victim.  I was heartbroken for her.  It was horribly sad to watch.

Not knowing what to do, I went to tell the groom what was happening.  Apparently it was too much for him, too, but didn’t want to be taken away from HIS friends. 

So, this lovely, sweet couple that had the wedding day of their dreams – then suffered major heartbreak that night as they said good-bye to everyone.  I’m sure it seemed like a good idea at the time, but as it turned out – it wasn’t such a good idea after all.

Did we forget something...?

It was my first event.  November 7, 1998.  I was a venue owner!  I owned my own business!  We had worked so hard to renovate our 1913 historic home and it was finally ready to host its first event.  I had arrived at my destination goal and I was a happy girl.  

I knew very few things about events that day except that I loved doing them and I was going to quit my job soon and do this full time. 

My bride was happy.  The bride’s mother was happy.  We got everyone dressed.  Everything was set-up and decorated – we were ready to go.  The photographer was snapping away with the camera and the groom was chewing off his fingernails. 

We got through the ceremony with the precision of a well-oiled machine.  The reset between the wedding and reception went off without a hitch.  The bride and groom were smiling radiantly while the photographer finished snapping photos to commemorate this fabulous occasion (hers and mine).

We flowed flawlessly from the photographs into dinner.  The DJ was right on cue with the introductions of the bridal party and the new Mr. and Mrs.  This was so much fun!!  (Did I mention that I’m a venue owner?  And I now own my own business?)  I was the queen of my world!

The bride had chosen a Mexican buffet as her dinner offering.  Since we allow outside catering, they had taken care of it themselves.  It smelled wonderful and the guests were digging in with great delight.

I was standing there trying to look important, yet helpful when the first guest said, “Where can I find the drinks?” 

“Ummmm… let me check for you,” I said as I looked around wondering to myself where they were.  Not finding any myself, I went to the caterer to ask.  With my inability to speak Spanish and her limited ability to speak English – we determined that drinks had not been ordered.  What?  How does that happen?  Didn’t you offer them? Yes, the bride said her mother told her to order food, but didn’t say anything about drinks.

As fun as the placing-the-blame game is to play, it still doesn’t change the fact that there are no drinks to be found anywhere.  And then the line started forming… “Can I get some water?”, “This food is really spicy, I need something to drink NOW!”, “What do you mean there are no drinks?”

It was like a bad dream with hoards of angry people with their mouths on fire coming at me with the gusto of the passengers on the Titanic looking for an available life raft.  I’M NOT TRAINED! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?

So, this is where the rubber hits the road.  Grab a pitcher, grab a container of Countrytime lemonade, chip the ice from the bottom of the tray – let’s make something happen.  Send my husband to the small market across the street to get something wet – anything.  Just go. 

The lemonade mix, the red gooey junk he found at the market, water and ice all went into a big bowl served in leftover birthday cups.  Tragedy averted.  Fires extinguished.  All is calm on the western front.

Now we ask… who is ordering the drinks?  Are you sure?  And just to make darned sure, I always follow up with the caterer prior to the event.  “No surprises” is an easier thing to manage than “adapt and overcome”.  We can do both, but we’re much more efficient about it now.