$99 wedding dresses – you may get what you pay for

It’s happened twice.  The first one I thought was a fluke.  The bride called me into her dressing room to tell me her zipper had come unzipped.  Upon closer inspection, I noticed that her zipper had come out completely.  The dress fit well, but was not too tight – but I thought perhaps she had strained it somehow by trying it on several times or something that would’ve caused wear.

With only moments to spare before the opening chord of “Here Comes the Bride”, I quickly produced some white thread and a long needle to sew her back into her dress.  Thankfully she didn’t have any reason to need her zipper for the remainder of the evening .  I had to give her groom instruction on how to get her out of it.  (His choices were scissors or rip the threads – I never asked which method prevailed; although I have a sneaking suspicion…)

The second time it happened was a very thin bride who was losing the shoulder stitching on a tank dress (not typically a high-stress area of clothing construction).  We discovered it as she was getting ready to walk down the aisle.  I suggested that she not breathe until she came back down the aisle and we would take care of it then.  Apparently she breathed, because when she got back to me – they were barely holding on. 

Once again, I came armed with my white thread and needle and took to stitching her back into her dress.  There are several wedding pictures with me in them sewing her back in. 

My first theory was that the manufacturer used a special thread that dissolved when heated up to body temperature, but that didn’t make much sense.  So, the only thing I can come up with is you just may get what you pay for.  As great as the $99 rack looks when planning a wedding on a budget – keep looking.  It may cause more grief that it’s worth.

Old houses tend to sit in old neighborhoods

It's true!  Old houses DO sit in old neighborhoods.  And sometimes those old neighborhoods look much worse than they are...

Virginia's House, the historic CH Tinker home is no exception.  It was the original home built in this neighborhood in 1913 - in fact, it's legal description is "orchard lot 1".  Many homes were built in the decades to follow using materials not typically used any more - mostly wood siding (the Arizona sun is too hard on it).  Add 99 years, multiple economic swings, newer neighborhoods being built further out and these little, tiny, wood sided homes become obsolete.  They also become "ugly" to those who are used to looking at large, rambling, stucco, new-builds.  And after 60, 70 or even 80 years of being "not good enough", they start to look pretty bad.

I have had several potential customers do what we refer to as "drive-bys"... meaning they find us online, fall in love with our photos and great reviews, set-up an appointment, drive into the area, then change their mind and leave me waiting without coming in.  To these folks, I apologize.  To others that haven't made that drive yet, I ask you to come inside.

The CH Tinker home was built with all of the opulence of 1913 - complete with a music parlor, butler's pantry, built-in china cabinet and electric lights - all of which are still intact.  The home itself is just under 3,000 square feet - a good-sized home for current standards; a mansion at 1913 standards.  My husband and I have spent the last 15 years lovingly restoring this home - not renovating - restoring.  Restoration is a laborious task that requires more attention than gutting and replacing, not to mention more time and money.  We have done our level best to return this beautiful home to it's original splendor.

As of this writing, I have been in business for almost 14 years.  It's a business I started from nothing, but an old house and a dream and grew it into many happy occasions and lifelong friendships with my brides, their families and friends.  Many people may not know this, but it is also my home - we have lived here since 1997 and I have raised my two children here.  As hard as I try not to take it personally - sometimes I still do.  I have labored over, celebrated and cried into every corner and crevice of this home.  I have befriended my elderly neighbors and buried most of them.  I was their breath of fresh air when we purchased the property and gave them hope for new things to come. Virginia's House has been good to me.  And them.  And I want it to be good to you.

So I ask you this... we have been told all through our lives not to judge a book by its cover.  I would ask that you not judge THIS book by the other books on the shelf.  There's a great story written here and I'd like to add your chapter. 

Bachelor parties the night before the wedding are a BAD idea

I’m sure you’ve all heard the horror stories of groomsmen putting the drunken groom on a train and he wakes up hundreds of miles and hours away from his bride.  We’ve all heard the stories of new tattoos, indelible marker and broken noses from bar fights.  Urban legends?  Maybe.  Although it doesn’t happen often – it does happen.

Just this season, I had a bride show up in a beat up car I had never seen her in before.  She was moody and cranky when she got out of the car.  She was quick to tell me she wasn’t mad at me, but that I had no idea what she had been through.  (Honestly, I thought it was the usual last minute bride stuff where you simply run out of time and forget to go to sleep that night.)

She then proceeded to tell me of her 3am phone call from a local law enforcement officer.  He wanted to know if she was getting married that morning.  She said yes.  The officer told her that he had arrested the groom for DUI (driving under the influence of alcohol) and that he had been yelling from the back seat about not going to jail, he was getting married in a few hours.  He just wanted to verify the story.

When she verified the story, the officer (obviously a softie) asked if she would be willing to take responsibility for him and he would not take him to jail.  However, her car (that the groom was driving) had already been towed.  And he would still have a DUI on record and have to see the judge early Monday morning. 

After this close call with the law, the bride was now stuck with a drunk, slobbery man afraid that she was either going to kill him or not marry him.  (I actually think he was unable to decide which would be worse.)  He kept her up for the rest of the night begging her to marry him and asking her if she was going to leave him at the altar.

As it turns out – he sobered up and she showed up.  And a good time was had by all.

Sometimes it’s hard for adults to act like adults

It’s true.  Sometimes we put too much faith in the belief that adults will act like adults.  We don’t take into consideration heartbreaks, family fights, or general personality disorders.

We had a gorgeous bride and a doting groom.  It was a wintertime wedding with sparkly things everywhere.  The bride was wrapped in a beautiful faux fur shrug and looked like a million bucks.  Her groom couldn’t keep his eyes off his beautiful bride.  The photographer was trying to capture all this love and beauty to be cherished forever by setting up a family picture.

It was a medium-sized group and the photographer was doing her level best to get everyone in the frame.  She moved and adjusted and got everyone where they needed to be.  She then invited the groom’s dad to remove his Blu-Blocker sunglasses and his Bluetooth for the picture.  He said no.  Then the bride (very gently) asked him please remove it just for the picture.  That’s when the earth cracked…

The groom’s dad called the bride some very inappropriate and somewhat colorful names because of her request.  The groom quickly told his father not to speak to his wife that way.  And almost immediately, the groomsmen grabbed him by his short hairs and dragged him to the gate.

My staff and the couples’ guests were stunned for what seemed like a few minutes, but I’m sure it was only seconds.  As the venue owner, I was glad that someone else was taking care of removing him – I didn’t want to worry about him for the rest of the evening.   But one of my staff members – having a cooler head than mine – followed them out and removed the groomsmen from his neck.  She explained life to him as best as she could and asked him to rethink his departure.  She also put him on notice that if he acted up again that the police would be his next escort off the property.

(Side note – his Bluetooth had dialed my desk phone in the melee and my voice mail had recorded the entire incident.)

The groom’s dad sat very quietly and obediently at his table for the rest of the evening.  Not sure if he was embarrassed or scared.  Either way – he wasn’t invited into any more photos and I don’t believe he danced with the bride. 

Note to self:  Some things you just can’t take back, no matter if you felt justified at the time.  Wedding days should be off-limits for outbursts.  If you can’t act like an adult, get a babysitter.

Check it off the list

Our bride was meticulous in her planning.  We had several meetings on how things would go.  We discussed color in depth and carried color swatches out into the sun to make sure they were still the same color.  The rehearsal was carried out with military precision and the ‘to do’ lists were distributed to each bridesmaid and groomsman after the rehearsal with stern words on how they were to be carried out.  Don’t get me wrong, the bride was not a bridezilla on any level.  She knew what she wanted and delegated with the efficiency of upper management.  She was very sweet to work with and had a handle on everything.

Fast forward to her wedding day…. Bridesmaids arrive and immediately jump into the functions of getting dressed in the bride’s room.  The groomsmen arrive, diligently sporting the items they were enlisted to provide.  The musicians, minister, photographer, etc. were all filing in at their designated times.  As the coordinator, I was keeping my finger on the multiple pulses going on around the property.  But the one heartbeat missing was the bride’s.  Without sounding any alarms, I would casually ask the bridesmaids if anyone had heard from her.  No.  I asked the groomsmen if everything was going okay.  Yes.  The bride’s parents arrived.  No bride.  I asked if they knew where she was.  No. 

The buzz of the day continued moving on and getting louder with every passing minute.  Once again, I started the rounds of asking if anyone had heard from her.  I called her cell phone.  No answer.  Now I’m starting to wonder if she’s coming at all.  And if not, why?  Did she run?   Did something terrible happen?  Should I sound the alarms? 

The wedding start time was approaching quickly.  The clock ticked louder and louder in my head, yet nobody seemed alarmed at all that the bride was nowhere to be found.

It’s 6pm.  Start time.  Now we’re at critical mass.  I’m standing in the main room wondering what my next move is… Do I go to the groom and tell him his bride isn’t here?  Do I ask the bridesmaids one more time to call her? Do I put her mother into a panic by suggesting that something might be wrong?  Then something moved out of the corner of my eye.  I turned my head towards it.  I bent down to get a better look out of the front window.  There it was.  A big yellow taxi.  And a VERY mad bride.

Before I could formulate a sentence, she barreled through the door, two fists full of wedding gown and said, “Let’s do this before I change my mind.”  I do not exaggerate when I tell you she flew out of the taxi and directly down the aisle. 

I’m stunned beyond words.  What the heck just happened?  Had I crossed into the Twilight Zone? As it turns out, she hadn’t added “get the bride to the venue” on anyone’s list.  Therefore, nobody did. Problem was, the list had things like ‘pick up car, take to hotel’, ‘cell phones are off limits’ and other similar ‘dos & don’ts’.  The car had been picked up and dropped off at the hotel.  And the cell phones had been promptly turned off when they arrived at the venue – rendering the bride’s calls for help completely useless.  No car. No phone. No clue what to do next.  Next idea?  Call a taxi.  Then wait.   Now… who gets to be mad at whom?  I don’t think there’s a flowchart for that one.

Lists… they can be good for keeping order and useful tools.  They can also turn the best of intentions into the worst of outcomes.  Use them wisely.

Meet with your officiant – make sure he/she knows your name

It happens.  Brides and grooms plan the “wedding” – usually a general term used to describe the day, not the actual ceremony.  A lot of times, the ceremony gets overlooked as a minute detail.  This usually means that the officiant/minister/judge is trying to come up with your ceremony without any input from you.  If this is the case, your rights to be disappointed have been waived.

I had an Asian couple with unusual (for Americans) first names and single syllable last names.  Their officiant had never met them and was flying blind with their expectations.  (I will also add that he didn’t appear to be diligent in his own findings to make sure he got it right.)

Halfway through the ceremony, he confused himself as to which name belonged to which person.  He stared blindly at his book for what seemed like a long time – honestly, it was probably only 30 seconds that passed, but as dead air, it felt longer.  When he finally recovered from that, we all breathed a sigh of relief.

At the end of the ceremony, he invited the groom to kiss the bride and introduced them as Mr. and Mrs. McKenzie… Uh, what happened to the single syllable Asian last name?  The bride whispered to him (loud enough for the microphone to capture it), “That’s not our name!”  Once again, we got a blank stare and dead air.  The bride and groom finally gave up, we started the recessional music and they proceeded back down the aisle.

As we got back inside to sign the marriage license, the officiant did what any red-blooded American man would do… he blamed it on his wife. 

DIY often spells D-I-S-A-S-T-E-R

Cake.  How hard can it be?  Flour, eggs, water and frosting – right?  Unless you’re a pastry chef, an engineer or an architect – this is not a place to cut corners or think you can do it yourself.

I have had more than one occasion where the bride and/or her family or well-meaning friend baked the wedding cake.  In theory it sounds like a relatively easy task – everyone has baked a cake, cupcakes or cookies in their lifetime.   But let me tell you, wedding cakes are a whole different animal.

I have cut into cakes of amateurs who thought they were doing the bride a favor and found a myriad of sins – ranging from using frosting to mask holes and gaps, to stuffing plastic bags into the voids then frosting over them.  Not to mention the use of wooden pencils and plastic knives to stack the cake with. 

A well-baked and well-built wedding cake can stand alone.  It has been baked with a consistency that allows a little bit of weight to be placed on it (i.e. cake topper) and has been built to withstand the weight of itself (stacked cake with columns, etc). 

We haven’t even talked about cake flavors and fillings yet… Pastry chefs know (through their training) what you can fill a cake with and what never works.  Betty Crocker’s intent was never to be used for a wedding cake.  And Smucker’s didn’t make strawberry jelly to be used as cake filling.  These two things together are a recipe for a disaster.  A boxed cake mix doesn’t hold together well and strawberry jelly cake filling turns into a drippy, runny mess that causes the cake layers to slip off each other.

There is also engineering and architecture that goes into a wedding cake.  Although it may look like the cake is stacked on itself – it truly is not.  There are very specific plates, spacers and columns used to make sure your cake stays where it should.

Also, many DIY bakers don’t realize that those cute little pearls used to dot the cake are actually edible.  I have picked many plastic pearls off a cake before I served it to guests.

Do yourself a favor – shop around, taste lots of cakes and thank your friend/aunt/mother/neighbor very politely and say “no, thank you” when they offer to bake your wedding cake.  Remember – it’s an important “Kodak moment” accessory and it needs to look great.  And it’s the last thing your guests will eat at your reception – don’t leave a bad taste in their mouths.