I Tried to Book a Vow Renewal

Yep.  Operative word – TRIED.  Not one here at Virginia’s House.  I wanted to be a customer and book a vow renewal on Maui as a surprise to my husband for our 20^th Anniversary.  I booked the trip, made a lot of decisions, spent a lot of money and relied heavily on my travel agent.  (She’s fabulous, by the way.)

My travel agent researched my vow renewal options and spoke to the officiant directly.  She gave him my number, me his number, etc.  He did try to call me twice, but both times my husband was with me (remember, I wanted this to be a surprise), so I didn’t answer.   So, I went to the Maui wedding website and tried to communicate with the officiant using email.  The website was relatively easy to get around, but I was confused about beach permits, etc.  I emailed the officiant asking for clarification on beach permits and the dates he had available.  He responded that everything was spelled out specifically on his website AND he required that I be at a desktop, on his website and on the phone with him simultaneously to identify available dates.  I responded that I just needed clarification because his website was a bit confusing to me – he responded AGAIN that his website was crystal clear and that he wouldn’t provide me with available dates until I was on a computer on his website and on the phone with him.  Did I mention we were heading into a holiday weekend?  And that I was not going to be near the three required pieces of equipment simultaneously for nearly a week?   I think I emailed the same basic short list (permits and dates) up to four times.  And got the same response.  Every. Single. Time.

Needless to say, the idea of a vow renewal no longer has the romance I had envisioned attached to it.  I scrapped the idea out of sheer frustration.  I guess I assumed that people do business the way Jody Serey (Spirit and Light) and I do.  Clearly not.

At Virginia’s House, we will communicate with you on your preferred medium.  I have Skyped with a soldier in Iraq and showed him around the venue.  I have texted college students across the country.  I have spoken on the phone with distraught brides at 10pm.  I have emailed never-ending answers to brides with never-ending questions just to make them comfortable.  Jody at Spirit and Light operates the same way.  We will meet you where you are and how you are to make you comfortable with the process.  And we don’t like stress or allow panic.  This is the best way we know how to combat both.

So, to the vow renewing officiant on Maui – best of luck to you.    Your website isn’t as clear as you’d think.  And I won’t be meeting you on my vacation with my husband.  Instead, I think I’ll have Jody from Spirit and Light write me up something special, then I’ll drag hubs out onto the beach and we’ll say nice things to each other while the sun is setting.  In fact, that sounds absolutely perfect to me.  

Debbie

Our family tree says we’re cousins.  First cousins to be exact.  Our mothers are sisters.  But she and her younger sister were more like older sisters to me.  We spent summers, holidays and birthdays together.  She’s four years older than me – and to a kid, so incredibly wise for her age.  

She had the best hair, long nails and cute jeans.  Boys liked her.  Her sister annoyed her.  You know, a regular pretty girl.  I looked up to her.  In a lot of ways, I wanted to be her – or, at least, like her. 

She married young.  I would say 20 years old – making me 16 years old.  She got married at our house, in front of our fireplace.  She wore her mother’s wedding dress – a dress that I love to this day.  She let me be one of her bridesmaids – my very first long dress.  In lavender, no less. 

Perhaps this is the day I decided that weddings would be my life.  My business, my dream, my service to the world.  Or at least my little corner of it. 

Debbie married, had two kids.  My family moved away.  I went to college.  She divorced.  She remarried.  We grew up.  We grew older.  We grew apart. 

We exchanged Christmas cards and birth announcements.  She came to my wedding.  She was there.  I was here.  But somehow – she still felt like my “big sis”.  I knew she was there if I needed her.  I was here if she needed me.

In August, her daughter called me.  She had news.  Not good news.  Cancer news. 

She’s tough.  She’ll fight.  We’re in this together. 

The years.  The years.  The years.  Where did they go? 

January is another call.  This call is hospice.  She’s still fighting, but the cancer is winning. 

Her beautiful hair is gone.  No more cute jeans.  Her nail polish is chipped.  But the sparkle.  The sparkle isn’t gone.  It comes from inside. Where her true beauty is. 

So I will go see her this Thursday.  I’ll sit with her.  We’ll talk.  Or maybe not.  She sleeps a lot.  I’ll lay with my face close to hers.  I need some of her sparkle to rub off on me.  I won’t forget the sparkle.  That won’t die.  Sparkle doesn’t die.  It sparkles.  Just like Debbie. 

Cancer can’t erase the sparkle.

Cutting Costs? What DIY Works?

This article was written and published on eHow.com.  I contributed my opinions and expertise - read on! 

http://www.ehow.com/feature_12257014_wedding-diy-really-save-money.html

When Venues Close

It’s happened yet again.  A wedding venue has closed right as the spring season is upon us.  I’m not sure why it affects me the way it does – less competition for me, right?  Sure, but there’s more...there are some very sweet brides and doting grooms that just had their worlds rocked.  And that’s not okay. 

Because I’m the curious type, I searched the name of the venue that closed.  It’s beautiful.  Absolutely.  I’ve admired it since it opened about two years ago.  But looking at the reviews online, I’m wondering why people who clearly don’t like people get in the people business?  It seems counter-intuitive to me.  If I even had one bad review online, I wouldn’t be able to sleep until I got it right, then made it right for that reviewer.

The rule of starting your own business is “find something you love to do and you’ll never have to work a day in your life.” The addendum to that is… do something you would do, even if you weren’t getting paid to do it.  That’s a reality.  A cold hard fact.  There were many years in the beginning that we put more money in that we got out.  But it was my dream and I loved it.  And that trumped the make-a-million-dollars-by-the-time-I’m-35-years-old-thing.  Every. Single. Day.  And nearly 15 years later – I’m still doing what I love.

I’ve been in business since 1998.  My paperwork says 1997, that’s when everything was filed, but the first bride I sent down the aisle was November 7, 1998.  We made some mistakes.  We had some kinks.  But we also did everything in our power to make that bride feel as special as we could.  And that’s something we’ve done every day since. 

I had “wedding professionals” early on tell me that I would “fail quickly” because I refused to be like everyone else.  I didn’t want to charge too much, charge extra for every little thing, nickel and dime people to death, then tack on fees, taxes and gratuities.  To those who doubted me… I’m still here.  And I still don’t charge extra fees.  I even eat the tax.  The bookkeeping and awkward conversations are not worth it to me.  I’m flexible, I’m personal and I care.  Really.  Once again… I’m still here.

I’m not saying we’re perfect – we’re definitely not.  But I’ve met some of the most amazing couples and their families that have enriched my life more than I could ever put into words.  Thanks to social media, I’ve been able to watch my couples buy new homes, welcome new babies, graduate from college, welcome more babies and remain a part of their lives.  I’ve gotten a couple of very sad cards and calls from those who have lost their loved ones – and I’m flattered beyond belief that they thought to call/write so I would know of the loss.   After all, I’m just the wedding venue coordinator, right?

My venue just turned 100 years old.  It’s not the most perfect venue; it’s got 100 years of wear, tear and Arizona summers under its belt.  But it’s full of love.  And I mean full.  We named the business after Virginia Hook – the sweet elderly lady that we purchased her home from.  We kept in touch with her until her death just a few years ago.  In our early years, she wanted me to call before every wedding so she could talk to our brides – she told them loved lived here and they could take some with them.  Her family has been here and held events here.  They said, “I knew you would be here” when I showed up at her funeral.

We’ve touched every single corner of this historic house, we’ve lovingly restored every single corner of it, and because it’s 100 years old – that process never ends.  It’s also my home.  We live above “the shop” and we’ve raised our family here.  We’re not going anywhere.  It’s not just a job, it’s our life.  And we have saved this gem of a home from the wrecking ball.  It’s going to take a pretty big army of men to drag me away from here.  I’ve invested blood, sweat, tears and my family.  Who could walk away from that?  Not me.

So… if you know someone who had their venue pull the rug out from under them – send them my way.  I won’t add insult to injury.  And I’ll love them like my own.

When you hire the DJ – keep in mind your grandmother will be in attendance

Know your audience.  Words to live by.  And words to share with your disc jockey. 

We had a wedding and reception of a couple that came from a very strict religious background.  Their families, as it turned out, were also very strict with their religion.  There were several things that have become somewhat ‘normal’ in today’s culture, which will never be normal in certain religious cultures – i.e. living together, premarital sex, etc.  One should be extremely careful when assuming what is acceptable and appropriate in each family.

The DJ seemed to be holding his own.  Music was playing, people were dancing, it appeared that a good time was being had by all.  Then he grabbed the microphone and asked all of the girls who were holding keys to come to the dance floor (he had handed keys to several single girls prior to this request and told them he would call them up later).  He went into a big charade about all of the single girls’ hearts that were breaking and they all needed to return his apartment keys – he was off the market now; a married man. 

(Insert the sound of crickets…)

The ‘joke’ was totally lost on this crowd.  Their religious culture was very specific as to no premarital anything.  Offspring lived with their parents until they were married.  Couples entered into their marriage covenants pure.  (Novel idea – I know…, but truly it still exists.  This I assure you.)

So… back to the DJ… Instead of realizing that he had blown this particular joke and moving on, he made a meager attempt at explaining the joke.  (Insert the sound of more crickets…)  I ran to his aid and suggested that he keep the music on and the microphone off.  It was the awkward moment of all awkward moments and the bride’s face was red the entire evening – she was concerned what her grandmother had thought of her. 

Still on the topic of DJs, but onto different events – be aware that your grandmother (mother, aunt, church lady) will be in attendance.  Just because you downloaded the explicit version of your favorite song on your iPod, does not make it appropriate for public consumption.  I’ve been placed in the difficult position several times of the grandmother (mother, aunt, church lady) leaning over to me and saying, “WHAT did he just say?”  Some lyrics are rated MA (mature audience).  Even some of our most mature guests don’t appreciate the art of some music.  Please play accordingly. 

My response when they ask?  “Oh… I’m not sure.  I don’t listen to this stuff.”  Even if it’s downloaded on my own iPod.

Wedding receptions and going-away parties don’t mix

She loved him.  It was obvious that she did.  And he loved her.  It was awe-inspiring to see.  It made those around them believe in love all over again.  They had worked together at an engineering firm for years.  They knew each other very well and had a great life planned with each other.  However, there was one slight problem… he took another job with an oil company and was being relocated to Oklahoma.  This put the wedding plans into high gear after she agreed to move with him. 

Their wedding planning had a few hiccoughs in it.  Their original venue had double booked their date and sent them packing with only a few months to plan another event.  I got a panicked call from a bride on the edge, but we got them squeezed in and everything was back on track.  Not only were they planning a wedding, they were planning a major move and major change in their lives – all at the same time.  Normally one of these would put the bravest of women hiding under the bed, coming out only to pee and restock the chocolate supply.  She was doing a good job keeping everything together, yet moving forward at the same time.

The wedding was beautiful.  The bride blushing.  The groom doting.  The food was delicious.  The cake was an attraction.  The DJ was keeping the mood festive.   Everyone was having a great time – especially the bride and groom.

Then the first guest left.

It happens.  The babysitter is getting paid by the hour.  Someone has to get up early in the morning, so they cut the evening short.  There’s any number of reasons that people will leave a wedding reception early.  But it happened.  And it was a shock.

It wasn’t a shock to me or the guests leaving, but to the bride, it marked the beginning of the end.  She clung to them like they were life vests on a treacherous sea.  Then the tears.  And more tears.  And yet more tears. 

The party went on, yet the party was over.  At least for the bride.  She stood by the gate as each guest tried to leave and hung on them with the fervor of the first victim.  I was heartbroken for her.  It was horribly sad to watch.

Not knowing what to do, I went to tell the groom what was happening.  Apparently it was too much for him, too, but didn’t want to be taken away from HIS friends. 

So, this lovely, sweet couple that had the wedding day of their dreams – then suffered major heartbreak that night as they said good-bye to everyone.  I’m sure it seemed like a good idea at the time, but as it turned out – it wasn’t such a good idea after all.

Did we forget something...?

It was my first event.  November 7, 1998.  I was a venue owner!  I owned my own business!  We had worked so hard to renovate our 1913 historic home and it was finally ready to host its first event.  I had arrived at my destination goal and I was a happy girl.  

I knew very few things about events that day except that I loved doing them and I was going to quit my job soon and do this full time. 

My bride was happy.  The bride’s mother was happy.  We got everyone dressed.  Everything was set-up and decorated – we were ready to go.  The photographer was snapping away with the camera and the groom was chewing off his fingernails. 

We got through the ceremony with the precision of a well-oiled machine.  The reset between the wedding and reception went off without a hitch.  The bride and groom were smiling radiantly while the photographer finished snapping photos to commemorate this fabulous occasion (hers and mine).

We flowed flawlessly from the photographs into dinner.  The DJ was right on cue with the introductions of the bridal party and the new Mr. and Mrs.  This was so much fun!!  (Did I mention that I’m a venue owner?  And I now own my own business?)  I was the queen of my world!

The bride had chosen a Mexican buffet as her dinner offering.  Since we allow outside catering, they had taken care of it themselves.  It smelled wonderful and the guests were digging in with great delight.

I was standing there trying to look important, yet helpful when the first guest said, “Where can I find the drinks?” 

“Ummmm… let me check for you,” I said as I looked around wondering to myself where they were.  Not finding any myself, I went to the caterer to ask.  With my inability to speak Spanish and her limited ability to speak English – we determined that drinks had not been ordered.  What?  How does that happen?  Didn’t you offer them? Yes, the bride said her mother told her to order food, but didn’t say anything about drinks.

As fun as the placing-the-blame game is to play, it still doesn’t change the fact that there are no drinks to be found anywhere.  And then the line started forming… “Can I get some water?”, “This food is really spicy, I need something to drink NOW!”, “What do you mean there are no drinks?”

It was like a bad dream with hoards of angry people with their mouths on fire coming at me with the gusto of the passengers on the Titanic looking for an available life raft.  I’M NOT TRAINED! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?

So, this is where the rubber hits the road.  Grab a pitcher, grab a container of Countrytime lemonade, chip the ice from the bottom of the tray – let’s make something happen.  Send my husband to the small market across the street to get something wet – anything.  Just go. 

The lemonade mix, the red gooey junk he found at the market, water and ice all went into a big bowl served in leftover birthday cups.  Tragedy averted.  Fires extinguished.  All is calm on the western front.

Now we ask… who is ordering the drinks?  Are you sure?  And just to make darned sure, I always follow up with the caterer prior to the event.  “No surprises” is an easier thing to manage than “adapt and overcome”.  We can do both, but we’re much more efficient about it now.

$99 wedding dresses – you may get what you pay for

It’s happened twice.  The first one I thought was a fluke.  The bride called me into her dressing room to tell me her zipper had come unzipped.  Upon closer inspection, I noticed that her zipper had come out completely.  The dress fit well, but was not too tight – but I thought perhaps she had strained it somehow by trying it on several times or something that would’ve caused wear.

With only moments to spare before the opening chord of “Here Comes the Bride”, I quickly produced some white thread and a long needle to sew her back into her dress.  Thankfully she didn’t have any reason to need her zipper for the remainder of the evening .  I had to give her groom instruction on how to get her out of it.  (His choices were scissors or rip the threads – I never asked which method prevailed; although I have a sneaking suspicion…)

The second time it happened was a very thin bride who was losing the shoulder stitching on a tank dress (not typically a high-stress area of clothing construction).  We discovered it as she was getting ready to walk down the aisle.  I suggested that she not breathe until she came back down the aisle and we would take care of it then.  Apparently she breathed, because when she got back to me – they were barely holding on. 

Once again, I came armed with my white thread and needle and took to stitching her back into her dress.  There are several wedding pictures with me in them sewing her back in. 

My first theory was that the manufacturer used a special thread that dissolved when heated up to body temperature, but that didn’t make much sense.  So, the only thing I can come up with is you just may get what you pay for.  As great as the $99 rack looks when planning a wedding on a budget – keep looking.  It may cause more grief that it’s worth.

Old houses tend to sit in old neighborhoods

It's true!  Old houses DO sit in old neighborhoods.  And sometimes those old neighborhoods look much worse than they are...

Virginia's House, the historic CH Tinker home is no exception.  It was the original home built in this neighborhood in 1913 - in fact, it's legal description is "orchard lot 1".  Many homes were built in the decades to follow using materials not typically used any more - mostly wood siding (the Arizona sun is too hard on it).  Add 99 years, multiple economic swings, newer neighborhoods being built further out and these little, tiny, wood sided homes become obsolete.  They also become "ugly" to those who are used to looking at large, rambling, stucco, new-builds.  And after 60, 70 or even 80 years of being "not good enough", they start to look pretty bad.

I have had several potential customers do what we refer to as "drive-bys"... meaning they find us online, fall in love with our photos and great reviews, set-up an appointment, drive into the area, then change their mind and leave me waiting without coming in.  To these folks, I apologize.  To others that haven't made that drive yet, I ask you to come inside.

The CH Tinker home was built with all of the opulence of 1913 - complete with a music parlor, butler's pantry, built-in china cabinet and electric lights - all of which are still intact.  The home itself is just under 3,000 square feet - a good-sized home for current standards; a mansion at 1913 standards.  My husband and I have spent the last 15 years lovingly restoring this home - not renovating - restoring.  Restoration is a laborious task that requires more attention than gutting and replacing, not to mention more time and money.  We have done our level best to return this beautiful home to it's original splendor.

As of this writing, I have been in business for almost 14 years.  It's a business I started from nothing, but an old house and a dream and grew it into many happy occasions and lifelong friendships with my brides, their families and friends.  Many people may not know this, but it is also my home - we have lived here since 1997 and I have raised my two children here.  As hard as I try not to take it personally - sometimes I still do.  I have labored over, celebrated and cried into every corner and crevice of this home.  I have befriended my elderly neighbors and buried most of them.  I was their breath of fresh air when we purchased the property and gave them hope for new things to come. Virginia's House has been good to me.  And them.  And I want it to be good to you.

So I ask you this... we have been told all through our lives not to judge a book by its cover.  I would ask that you not judge THIS book by the other books on the shelf.  There's a great story written here and I'd like to add your chapter. 

Bachelor parties the night before the wedding are a BAD idea

I’m sure you’ve all heard the horror stories of groomsmen putting the drunken groom on a train and he wakes up hundreds of miles and hours away from his bride.  We’ve all heard the stories of new tattoos, indelible marker and broken noses from bar fights.  Urban legends?  Maybe.  Although it doesn’t happen often – it does happen.

Just this season, I had a bride show up in a beat up car I had never seen her in before.  She was moody and cranky when she got out of the car.  She was quick to tell me she wasn’t mad at me, but that I had no idea what she had been through.  (Honestly, I thought it was the usual last minute bride stuff where you simply run out of time and forget to go to sleep that night.)

She then proceeded to tell me of her 3am phone call from a local law enforcement officer.  He wanted to know if she was getting married that morning.  She said yes.  The officer told her that he had arrested the groom for DUI (driving under the influence of alcohol) and that he had been yelling from the back seat about not going to jail, he was getting married in a few hours.  He just wanted to verify the story.

When she verified the story, the officer (obviously a softie) asked if she would be willing to take responsibility for him and he would not take him to jail.  However, her car (that the groom was driving) had already been towed.  And he would still have a DUI on record and have to see the judge early Monday morning. 

After this close call with the law, the bride was now stuck with a drunk, slobbery man afraid that she was either going to kill him or not marry him.  (I actually think he was unable to decide which would be worse.)  He kept her up for the rest of the night begging her to marry him and asking her if she was going to leave him at the altar.

As it turns out – he sobered up and she showed up.  And a good time was had by all.

Sometimes it’s hard for adults to act like adults

It’s true.  Sometimes we put too much faith in the belief that adults will act like adults.  We don’t take into consideration heartbreaks, family fights, or general personality disorders.

We had a gorgeous bride and a doting groom.  It was a wintertime wedding with sparkly things everywhere.  The bride was wrapped in a beautiful faux fur shrug and looked like a million bucks.  Her groom couldn’t keep his eyes off his beautiful bride.  The photographer was trying to capture all this love and beauty to be cherished forever by setting up a family picture.

It was a medium-sized group and the photographer was doing her level best to get everyone in the frame.  She moved and adjusted and got everyone where they needed to be.  She then invited the groom’s dad to remove his Blu-Blocker sunglasses and his Bluetooth for the picture.  He said no.  Then the bride (very gently) asked him please remove it just for the picture.  That’s when the earth cracked…

The groom’s dad called the bride some very inappropriate and somewhat colorful names because of her request.  The groom quickly told his father not to speak to his wife that way.  And almost immediately, the groomsmen grabbed him by his short hairs and dragged him to the gate.

My staff and the couples’ guests were stunned for what seemed like a few minutes, but I’m sure it was only seconds.  As the venue owner, I was glad that someone else was taking care of removing him – I didn’t want to worry about him for the rest of the evening.   But one of my staff members – having a cooler head than mine – followed them out and removed the groomsmen from his neck.  She explained life to him as best as she could and asked him to rethink his departure.  She also put him on notice that if he acted up again that the police would be his next escort off the property.

(Side note – his Bluetooth had dialed my desk phone in the melee and my voice mail had recorded the entire incident.)

The groom’s dad sat very quietly and obediently at his table for the rest of the evening.  Not sure if he was embarrassed or scared.  Either way – he wasn’t invited into any more photos and I don’t believe he danced with the bride. 

Note to self:  Some things you just can’t take back, no matter if you felt justified at the time.  Wedding days should be off-limits for outbursts.  If you can’t act like an adult, get a babysitter.

Check it off the list

Our bride was meticulous in her planning.  We had several meetings on how things would go.  We discussed color in depth and carried color swatches out into the sun to make sure they were still the same color.  The rehearsal was carried out with military precision and the ‘to do’ lists were distributed to each bridesmaid and groomsman after the rehearsal with stern words on how they were to be carried out.  Don’t get me wrong, the bride was not a bridezilla on any level.  She knew what she wanted and delegated with the efficiency of upper management.  She was very sweet to work with and had a handle on everything.

Fast forward to her wedding day…. Bridesmaids arrive and immediately jump into the functions of getting dressed in the bride’s room.  The groomsmen arrive, diligently sporting the items they were enlisted to provide.  The musicians, minister, photographer, etc. were all filing in at their designated times.  As the coordinator, I was keeping my finger on the multiple pulses going on around the property.  But the one heartbeat missing was the bride’s.  Without sounding any alarms, I would casually ask the bridesmaids if anyone had heard from her.  No.  I asked the groomsmen if everything was going okay.  Yes.  The bride’s parents arrived.  No bride.  I asked if they knew where she was.  No. 

The buzz of the day continued moving on and getting louder with every passing minute.  Once again, I started the rounds of asking if anyone had heard from her.  I called her cell phone.  No answer.  Now I’m starting to wonder if she’s coming at all.  And if not, why?  Did she run?   Did something terrible happen?  Should I sound the alarms? 

The wedding start time was approaching quickly.  The clock ticked louder and louder in my head, yet nobody seemed alarmed at all that the bride was nowhere to be found.

It’s 6pm.  Start time.  Now we’re at critical mass.  I’m standing in the main room wondering what my next move is… Do I go to the groom and tell him his bride isn’t here?  Do I ask the bridesmaids one more time to call her? Do I put her mother into a panic by suggesting that something might be wrong?  Then something moved out of the corner of my eye.  I turned my head towards it.  I bent down to get a better look out of the front window.  There it was.  A big yellow taxi.  And a VERY mad bride.

Before I could formulate a sentence, she barreled through the door, two fists full of wedding gown and said, “Let’s do this before I change my mind.”  I do not exaggerate when I tell you she flew out of the taxi and directly down the aisle. 

I’m stunned beyond words.  What the heck just happened?  Had I crossed into the Twilight Zone? As it turns out, she hadn’t added “get the bride to the venue” on anyone’s list.  Therefore, nobody did. Problem was, the list had things like ‘pick up car, take to hotel’, ‘cell phones are off limits’ and other similar ‘dos & don’ts’.  The car had been picked up and dropped off at the hotel.  And the cell phones had been promptly turned off when they arrived at the venue – rendering the bride’s calls for help completely useless.  No car. No phone. No clue what to do next.  Next idea?  Call a taxi.  Then wait.   Now… who gets to be mad at whom?  I don’t think there’s a flowchart for that one.

Lists… they can be good for keeping order and useful tools.  They can also turn the best of intentions into the worst of outcomes.  Use them wisely.

Meet with your officiant – make sure he/she knows your name

It happens.  Brides and grooms plan the “wedding” – usually a general term used to describe the day, not the actual ceremony.  A lot of times, the ceremony gets overlooked as a minute detail.  This usually means that the officiant/minister/judge is trying to come up with your ceremony without any input from you.  If this is the case, your rights to be disappointed have been waived.

I had an Asian couple with unusual (for Americans) first names and single syllable last names.  Their officiant had never met them and was flying blind with their expectations.  (I will also add that he didn’t appear to be diligent in his own findings to make sure he got it right.)

Halfway through the ceremony, he confused himself as to which name belonged to which person.  He stared blindly at his book for what seemed like a long time – honestly, it was probably only 30 seconds that passed, but as dead air, it felt longer.  When he finally recovered from that, we all breathed a sigh of relief.

At the end of the ceremony, he invited the groom to kiss the bride and introduced them as Mr. and Mrs. McKenzie… Uh, what happened to the single syllable Asian last name?  The bride whispered to him (loud enough for the microphone to capture it), “That’s not our name!”  Once again, we got a blank stare and dead air.  The bride and groom finally gave up, we started the recessional music and they proceeded back down the aisle.

As we got back inside to sign the marriage license, the officiant did what any red-blooded American man would do… he blamed it on his wife. 

DIY often spells D-I-S-A-S-T-E-R

Cake.  How hard can it be?  Flour, eggs, water and frosting – right?  Unless you’re a pastry chef, an engineer or an architect – this is not a place to cut corners or think you can do it yourself.

I have had more than one occasion where the bride and/or her family or well-meaning friend baked the wedding cake.  In theory it sounds like a relatively easy task – everyone has baked a cake, cupcakes or cookies in their lifetime.   But let me tell you, wedding cakes are a whole different animal.

I have cut into cakes of amateurs who thought they were doing the bride a favor and found a myriad of sins – ranging from using frosting to mask holes and gaps, to stuffing plastic bags into the voids then frosting over them.  Not to mention the use of wooden pencils and plastic knives to stack the cake with. 

A well-baked and well-built wedding cake can stand alone.  It has been baked with a consistency that allows a little bit of weight to be placed on it (i.e. cake topper) and has been built to withstand the weight of itself (stacked cake with columns, etc). 

We haven’t even talked about cake flavors and fillings yet… Pastry chefs know (through their training) what you can fill a cake with and what never works.  Betty Crocker’s intent was never to be used for a wedding cake.  And Smucker’s didn’t make strawberry jelly to be used as cake filling.  These two things together are a recipe for a disaster.  A boxed cake mix doesn’t hold together well and strawberry jelly cake filling turns into a drippy, runny mess that causes the cake layers to slip off each other.

There is also engineering and architecture that goes into a wedding cake.  Although it may look like the cake is stacked on itself – it truly is not.  There are very specific plates, spacers and columns used to make sure your cake stays where it should.

Also, many DIY bakers don’t realize that those cute little pearls used to dot the cake are actually edible.  I have picked many plastic pearls off a cake before I served it to guests.

Do yourself a favor – shop around, taste lots of cakes and thank your friend/aunt/mother/neighbor very politely and say “no, thank you” when they offer to bake your wedding cake.  Remember – it’s an important “Kodak moment” accessory and it needs to look great.  And it’s the last thing your guests will eat at your reception – don’t leave a bad taste in their mouths.

My Invitation Ink Doesn't Match My Bridesmaid's Dresses

It really happened.  Early in my career of wedding planning and owning my venue, I had a bride call me in tears begging me to let her come by the office.  (Of course, I thought the worse – break-up, bounced check, lost job, car accident, etc.)  I told her to get right in and we’ll figure out what needed to be done based on the crisis at hand.  When she got here, she shoved a beautifully embossed wedding invitation into my hand and blurted, “LOOK!”

I read it.  Then read it again – expecting to see a misspelling, or an ex’s name or something, but I couldn’t find anything wrong with it.  It was printed straight.  The spacing seemed to be fine.  I must have had a dumb look on my face because she then spouted, “The ink doesn’t match my bridesmaid’s dresses!”

Since I was holding the invitation, but not the bridesmaid’s dress – I couldn’t dispute this point with her.  But clearly she was upset about this.  The ink was black.  It wasn’t orange or turquoise or something blatantly obvious – just plain ol’ black. 

So, in my effort to calm her down I told her how beautiful the invitation was, how well-worded it was, etc., etc. She continued to cry and point at it.  At my wits end I said, “Do you know what this means?!” 

She sniffed and looked up.  (I’m sure she was expecting something brilliant…)

I said, “It means a DISCOUNT!” 

She said, “What do you mean?”

I explained to her that because they had not been printed the way they had been ordered, the vendor owed her a discount or a reprint.  She opted for the discount.  Apparently, the color wasn’t as important as she had originally thought.

Choosing a Wedding Venue: Renter or Owner?

You've probably heard that there is a recession going on. Those of us providing wedding services have also experienced a direct hit with the shifting of the mood -- and with many wedding planning traditions. Couples planning weddings are becoming afraid to plan ahead for fear that the very services and resources they are contracting for (and paying deposits for) will disappear before the big day. Unfortunately, it is a fear that often becomes a reality.

It has become accepted wisdom to plan early and book well ahead of time, especially when it comes to a couple's choice of venue. However, the shaky economy has claimed many victims, including many owners of buildings and facilities that offered settings for weddings. If a wedding venue occupies a rented space, and the landlord does not or cannot pay the mortgage on the property in question, a wedding venue operator who is completely current on the rent (paid to the landlord, who hasn't paid the mortgage) can find the door locked on even the most thriving of businesses. It is a scene that is becoming more and more familiar to frantic brides and grooms, and one that is causing couples to be understandably reluctant to tie up precious wedding money in advance deposits, and so forth.

The "pay but no payback" phenomenon is not just peculiar to wedding venues, either. Bridal shops are closing by the dozens, and dresses are being held hostage while wedding dates come and go, and financial messes are sorted out. It is small comfort to a bride to learn that she may eventually get pennies on the dollar back for a dress that she already considered her own, and that clearly was not. Florists, wedding cake bakers, and caterers have also staggered under the realities of the recession.

 For the last couple of years, Virginia's House has offered sympathy and surroundings for couples battered by a variety of unforeseen problems : a venue burned down, another was foreclosed on, and several simply posted "Closed" signs on their doors and turned off the lights. At the risk of sounding somewhat indelicate, we want to say plainly that although we are not immune from forces of nature, we can assure a couple that because we actually own the structure that is Virginia's House and make the mortgage payments ourselves, you can be assured that the only sign on our door will say, "Welcome."

You are safe planning your wedding with us, and entrusting us with one of the most important events of your life. When we say "our door is always open," we mean exactly that.